Hello, I thought I’d do an update on my new year so far and talk a bit about my mental health; I realised that I hadn’t given much more info about how I’m feeling.
To be honest, it’s not going that great. Let’s start with the really bad news:
- A family member passed away. My mum’s auntie passed away a few weeks ago and it’s been pretty tough. She didn’t have any children or a husband, we don’t have much family, so it’s mostly been my tiny immediate family who have sorted everything. At the risk of sounding a bit selfish, I was making a real effort to be positive and not let anything get me down. So when this news hit, I didn’t really know how to feel…but more on this later.
- University is such an effort. So, it has never been my favourite experience but along with recent events, it’s become much harder to be motivated. The lectures are poorly structured, the deadlines are a joke and I just don’t enjoy it anymore.
So, I’m not loving 2017 all that much, although, I’m hoping that it will only get better from here!
In terms of my mental health, it’s been quite up and down. I suppose the past few month prior to the death, I’d been quite proud of myself. I tended to have really good days and one iffy day. I had really been putting the effort into seeing the positive in every situation and not letting myself getting too upset or anxious. So when auntie died, I instinctively refused to become upset so I was just numb for days.
Over time, I allowed myself to feel sad but I haven’t accepted anything or thought too much about the situation. I’ve tried to focus on university but I’m struggling, I’m not enjoying it as much and I’m feeling pretty unsettled. I’m still striving for positivity but the funeral is very soon. I have decided to allow myself to be sad and be truly present on the day then do my best to continue the work I was putting in previously.
I hope that this post wasn’t too sad or boring! But I think it’s so important to talk about mental health and get rid of the stigma!
On a lighter note, I’ll show you a sneak peek of the next post…